Butter Chickens and Having a Cow
by Kiyoshi'sGirl64
Summary: Hurrah! The much un anticipated non sequel to my story 'Llamas' Warning: Reading may result in temporary or permanent insanity. Essentially, it's an outlet for my randomness, so that it doesn't spill over into my serious stories. Not 100% YYH.
1. Butter Chickens

FCL64:Hola! This is the first chapter of 'Butter Chickens and Having a Cow'!

Kurama:Butter chickens?

FCL64:Indeed.

Kurama:(looking away) I fear for my life.

FCL64: Don't! The only thing at risk here is your sanity! I lost mine a long time ago, so I'm not worried. Heck, you should know _that_ by now, Kurama. I spend enough time talking to the people in my head. This story is an attempt to prove that insanity is, in fact, contagious.

Kurama:I don't doubt it.

FCL64:(sarcastically) Thanks so much.

Kurama:Aren't you forgetting something?

FCL64:Oh! If I don't introduce the characters you can assume they don't belong to me. (she then proceeds to drag three people into the room.) This is Akiko, Kasumi, and Kiyoshi!

Akiko: Let go of me.

FCL64:Rayre.

Akiko:Rayre?

FCL64:Like a cat?

Akiko:Seriously?

FCL64:Yes. Now one last thing before a short, pointless, possibly non-existent plot begins. This chapter has what will probably be the only disclaimer, so listen up, because I need to say everything. I will introduce my characters, and my friends when they join us, but if you don't recognize them, don't assume I own them. If it looks like a screen name, it's probably one of my friends. And characters from manga other than YYH will probably visit, such as Shikamaru from Naruto, and characters from Hikaru No Go.

Sai:Did someone say Go? I wanna play!

FCL64:(smacks forehead) I was saying the disclaimer. And it's not like anyone here would be any kind of a match for you anyway. Unless Kurama already knows how to play Go.

Kurama:No, sorry.

Sai:(runs away crying)

FCL64:Now I feel a little bad.

Kurama: At least you have _some_ decency.

FCL64:No, I just like Sai way too much. But not as much as I like Kiyoshi and Hiei! (she pulls Hiei from a dark corner of the room and pulls him and Kiyoshi into a group hug)

Kiyoshi:(when FCL64 finally lets go of a very angry Hiei and a stunned Kiyoshi, he puts one hand on top of the other) Awkward turtle.

FCL64:Awkward is such an awkward word.

Kasumi:I know! It's got not only two Ws, but they are also on either side of a K!

FCL64:(gasps, then hugs Kasumi) We're on the same brain wave! (looking at the others over her shoulder) That should scare you guys.

Kurama:It does, rest assured, it does.

Kasumi:Can't… breathe…

FCL64:(letting go of Kasumi) If only Pirate was here…

Pirate the Artist:But I am!

FCL64:Pirate!

PtA:I sensed something was going on without me, so I came over.

FCL64:Yay! Now there are two people on the same brain wave as me!

Everyone else:(makes a dash for the door, which turns out to be locked)

Kurama:Impossible! Why can't I pick the lock?!

Hiei:It's not just you. I can't get through either.

FCL64:It's 'impervious to blade and flame! I win!'

Hiei:Who is it you're quoting? That sounds familiar…

FCL64:You don't remember? That shows how little _you_ care. Pirate, would you like to explain why they can't get through the door?

PtA:She's the author! She can do whatever she wants!

FCL64:Yay! Wait, I can do whatever I want? Then I want pie!

Kurama:And pie relates to this conversation how?

FCL64:It doesn't. Well, it didn't. But now look! (points to the middle of the room, where a giant pie is suddenly sitting) Yum, yum, yum! You guys can have a piece but be sure to check it for polyps, because you wouldn't want to offend them by eating them because they'll rule the world someday.

Kasumi:Polyps? Why would there be polyps in the pie? And how did you come to the conclusion that someday they'll rule the world?

FCL64:Do any of you know what a polyp actually _is_?

Kurama:It's a small animal belonging to a group called—

FCL64:Shut up. You're ruining this for me. Does anyone who isn't a genius with a photographic memory know what a polyp is? I thought not. And the fact that nobody knows exactly what they are makes them like ninjas. After all, how can you know exactly what something is when it's invisible? And ninjas will rule the world. Using the transitive property you get: polyps are ninjas and ninjas will rule the world; therefore, polyps will rule the world.

Kurama:I see a flaw in your logic.

FCL64:Oh?

Kurama:The transitive property is meant for math, not life.

FCL64:But math teachers always say you use math every day! That is geometry applied to real life!

Kiyoshi:Ninja polyps taking over the world is real life?

FCL64:(nodding enthusiastically) Yep.

Kurama:(with sarcasm, as he slowly and deliberately cuts a piece of pie and takes a bite without checking for polyps) Right.

FCL64:Don't come crying to me years from now when ninja polyps attack you with an okay from the government. It'll be your own fault. All they'll be trying to do is avenge their lost brethren.

Kiyoshi:Lost brethren?

FCL64:(nodding) uh-huh.

(FCL64, PtA, and Kasumi spend the next 3 hours picking through their pie looking for polyps. Kurama, Akiko, Hiei, and Kiyoshi spend the next 3 hours eating pie and watching the others look for polyps.)


	2. Death of a Letter

Kurama: The author has just informed me of what would happen if she took over the world. The English language would change—

FCL64: Strike one!

Kurama: Shut up. Anyway, the only time the letter 'c' would be used is when there was the 'ch' sound. Other than that, the author decided—

FCL64: Strike two!

Kurama: Be quiet. Anyway, 'c's that sound like 's' will be 's's and 'c's that sound like 'k' will be 'k's. Based on this the author is officially crazy—

FCL64: Strike three! Now your stupid 'c's have been revoked and they kan go die!

Kurama: Joy.

FCL64: You don't sound very enthusiastik.

Kurama: Great observation.

FCL64: Look on the bright side! Your name already starts with 'k,' so it doesn't need to be canged.

Kurama: Your name has a 'c.'

FCL64: But it's short for cild, so it's okay.

Kurama: You know what? I give up. I give up trying to kontrol you.

FCL64: (as an evil glint appears in her eye) Not a wise desision, Kurama. Oh, Pirate!

PtA: Yes!

FCL64: (pointing at Kurama) He desided his attempts to kontrol me were in vain. He's giving up. That means I kan do whatever I want. He was the only thing keeping me in cek.

PtA: Yay! What now?

FCL64: …I hadn't thought that far ahead. Let's ask Geko!

Kurama: Geko?

FCL64: Glad you asked. Geko is one of my friends. :)

Geko: Hmmm…?

FCL64: Geko, we are at a loss for what to do next. Any ideas?

Geko: Butter ciken? Pollo de mantequilla?

FCL64: Yes! Great idea!

Kurama: Not this again…

FCL64: Is there something about butter cikens you find ugly, offensive, or otherwise undesirable?

Kurama: No… it just makes no sense.

FCL64: Did you miss the bit where I explained that that is the whole point of this story?

Kurama: I was here… I was just trying to forse myself to forget.

Geko: OMP! Real, live BUTTER CIKENS!

Butter Cikens: We thought you might appresiate us stopping by!

Geko, PtA, FCL64: Of kourse we do!

Kiyoshi: (having appeared at the same time as the same butter cikens) Dare I ask what OMP stands for? Or what a butter ciken is? Or why we aren't allowed to use the letter 'c.'

Geko, PtA, FCL64: Too late!

FCL64: I hate the letter 'c.' So I made it die.

Kiyoshi: How kan an inanimate objekt die?

FCL64: Shut up. Geko, please explain butter cikens.

Geko: I would but… well, I've already explained it to the author on multiple okkasions. And I'm in her head. Sinse I kan't remember, the only logikal konklusion is that the author forgot.

FCL64: (as everyone turns to look at her) Oops.

Geko: What the legs, Twin!

Kiyoshi: My question kount has now returned to three. What does OMP mean? 'What the… _legs_?' And who the krap is Twin?

FCL64: _I'm_ Twin, silly. It's my other name! OMP is 'oh my patio." And what the legs is self-explanitory.

Kiyoshi: No it isn't.

Geko: Just bekause you kan't figure it out doesn't mean it doesn't make sense.

FCL64: Now what? Wait, I know! (snaps fingers)

PotO: Kristine I— Wait, where am I?

Geko: (eyes wide, she takles the phantom of the opera and drags him out of the room)

Kurama: What just happened?

Kiyoshi: I am at a loss for words.

FCL64: Now we sneak away and see how long it takes her to figure out we've left.

*Three hours later*

Geko: (dragging phantom behind her by a rope) Where'd they go?

Sai: Go? I want to play!

FCL64: Sai! (takles Sai)

Kiyoshi: We wait for three hours for her to kome out and then you give away our lokation, just like that? Pathetik.

FCL64: (stiks tongue out at Kiyoshi) Kurama, kome here. Sai is going to teac you how to play Go.

Kurama: I know how to play. But it's boring.

Sai & FCL64: Go is not boring!

FCL64: Now play a game with Sai!

Kurama: Fine. But the way you spoke last time, Sai kouldn't possibly lose. So I learned to play just to see.

Sai: Do you want a handikap?

Kurama: No, but I'll be blak.

Sai: Okay! This'll be fun!

*Thirty minutes later*

Kiyoshi: Nothing's happened. They're evenly matched.

Kurama: Boring, boring, boring…

Sai: (eyes narrowing) Do not insult this game while sitting akross the board from me. This matc shall now take a different turn. (he then proseeds to obliterate Kurama)

Kurama: You were just… _toying_ with me?

Sai: No! I was playing a very produktive teacing game! (Kurama stalks off)

FCL64: He's not used to losing at thinking games. It's probably good for him. (Pirate nods in agreement)

Kiyoshi: Really, FCL64? It's no wonder you don't understand your physiks homework.

FCL64: What's that supposed to mean?

Kiyoshi: Nothing. Just that you might understand it if you'd pay attention.

FCL64: This konversation is over.

Kiyoshi: If you say so.

PtA: Now what?

Sai: More Go?

FCL64: No, sorry, Sai. (Sai runs away crying… again) Oops. Why does that always happen? And as we have lost our karakters, this capter is over… I guess.

Geko: That was abrupt.


	3. English Lit Books and Meep People

FCL64: Are you a fire-breathing ninja pirate?

PtA: YES! I'm a fire-breathing ninja pirate with _wings_! Orange ones! And a magic broomstick!

FCL64: And a pet alligator that flies!

PtA: And an English Lit book!

FCL64: …No.

PtA: But you can just hold one up and kill someone with it (holds up English Lit book; Meep person keels over as they walk by; FCL64 stares in disbelief)

Kiyoshi: What exactly is a _Meep person_?

FCL64: Random placeholders representing neither real people nor characters. All they ever say is "meep," hence their name.

Kiyoshi: Right.

FCL64: (snatching book from PtA) This needs to be in the hands of someone responsible. (PtA attempts to steal it back and FCL64 holds it up out of her reach; another Meep person falls over) Oops. Like I said, responsible! Here, Kiyoshi! (shoves book toward Kiyoshi)

Yusuke: (walking in and nudging a dead Meep with his foot) Do I even want to know?

Kiyoshi: PtA and FCL64 were demonstrating the awesome power of the English Lit book.

Yusuke: …I always knew English class could kill you.

FCL64: I doubt anyone ever disagreed with you.

Gecko: What are you talking about? You get to read _Jane Eyre_!

FCL64: But you also have to read _A Separate Peace_ and _Peace Like a River_.

Gecko: Peace Like the Devil! Blasphemy! Sacrilege! They're filling our minds with lies!

PtA: Oh bugger.

Yusuke: What?

PtA: I don't know. I just felt like saying "oh bugger."

Kurama: Talk about a conversation starter…

Hiei: Or avoider.

Kurama: (chuckling) That too.

Gecko: Stupidity! Stupid kid who doesn't know what he's talking about! Why, why, why? It's blasphemy!

FCL64: I believe I just proved my point in saying that English class _can_ kill you, because if Gecko continues in this vain, she's going to give herself a heart attack.

Kurama: Yet you have no intention of doing anything to calm her down, do you?

FCL64: Hee hee. Nope.

Kiyoshi: (whispering to Kurama) Watch this. (to the room in general) Chris McCandless.

FCL64: NOOOOOOO! Stupid people are…

Larkin72.5: Stupid?

FCL64: Yes! McCandless makes me mad!

Gecko: Me two!

PtA: Me three!

Gecko: If you're going to go out into the wilderness, that's fine! But don't do it because you're running away! Fix your problems at home, then do it. Then you're only _half _as stupid!

PtA: And go properly prepared!

FCL64: And whether or not you're stupid enough to get yourself killed, don't let some other idiot write a book about you praising you for your stupidity!

Gecko: That poor high school sophomores then have to suffer through!

Kurama: (as Gecko, PtA, and FCL64 continue to rant) Kiyoshi, how did you know that one name would make them react that way?

Kiyoshi: I didn't. I just knew FCL64 would react that way. I spend ninety percent of my time in chains following her around. (hits head on wall repeatedly) At least this solves one of our problems.

Kurama: And that problem would be?

Kiyoshi: The author. Now you and I can type this story.

FCL64: (catching sight of the commandeered keyboard and computer) NOOOOOOOO! That's not legal!

Kurama: But neither is it illegal.

FCL64: Correct. It is not a sick bird, but it is against the law.

Kurama: What?

FCL64: Illegal. Ill eagle. Sick bird. My father's sense of humor.

Kiyoshi: Moving along…

Kurama: (to Kiyoshi) I apologize that you have to put up with this twenty-four/seven.

FCL64: I can hear you. And, just for that, I shall now talk about Keith Harkin.

Gecko: You had to drive her to this, didn't you? (shakes her head and attempts to leave; FCL64 grabs her and pulls her back inside)

FCL64: Keith is to FCL64 as Phantom is to Gecko as Pirates are to PtA as Zac Efron is to Larkin72.5.

(the eyes of all three turn to hearts simultaneously)

FCL64: Keith is beautiful!

Larkin72.5: So is Zac Efron!

Gecko: Past the point of no return, the final threshold

PtA: PIRATES! Arrr! To the plank with ye!

Kiyoshi: …

Kurama: …

Yusuke: …

Hiei: …

Sai: …

Kiyoshi: I think the rest of this chapter is a lost cause. Let's go.

Yusuke: Sounds good.

(Kiyoshi, Kurama, Yusuke, Hiei, and Sai dash to the door as FCL64, PtA, Gecko, and Larkin72.5 continue to obsess)


End file.
